I remember the first time I cried over being a mom—not because my newborn wouldn’t stop crying, but because I felt like I was already failing her. I hadn’t been able to breastfeed successfully that day, and I thought, “What kind of mom can’t even feed her baby?” That moment stuck with me, not because it was rare, but because it was the beginning of an all-too-familiar cycle: guilt, shame, and the persistent belief that whatever I do, it’s never enough.
If you’re nodding along, welcome to the club. You’re not alone, even if it feels like it. The truth is, many moms grapple with this suffocating feeling of inadequacy. Let’s unpack why this happens, what it’s doing to us, and—most importantly—how we can fight back against it.
The Reasons Behind “Never Enough” Syndrome
1. The Weight of Unrealistic Expectations
Modern motherhood is a high-stakes balancing act. We’re expected to:
- Keep a Pinterest-perfect home
- Prepare Instagram-worthy meals
- Be fully present and engaged with our kids (goodbye, screen time!)
- Have a thriving career
- Look like we just walked out of a Peloton commercial
That’s five full-time jobs right there. And let’s be real: society loves to celebrate “Supermoms,” but it rarely supports us when we falter.
2. The Social Media Highlight Reel
Oh, social media. The endless scroll of perfect families and immaculate kitchens can be soul-crushing. You see a mom posting her kid’s hand-sewn Halloween costume while you’re sitting in the Target parking lot googling “DIY last-minute costumes.” It’s easy to forget that behind every curated photo is a mom who’s also drowning in laundry.
3. Mom Guilt
Mom guilt is like a shadow you can’t escape. Didn’t read enough bedtime stories? Guilt. Worked overtime? Guilt. Let the kids eat cereal for dinner? Guilt. We’re conditioned to believe that every decision we make—big or small—somehow determines the trajectory of our children’s lives. No pressure, right?
4. Lack of Support
A 2021 survey by Motherly revealed that 93% of moms report feeling burned out. Despite all the talk about “it takes a village,” many of us are raising kids without one. Whether it’s due to geographic distance, cultural shifts, or sheer busyness, moms often find themselves isolated.
5. Internalized Shame
Shame is a silent killer. It’s the voice in your head that says, “Why can’t you be like her?” or “What’s wrong with you?” It’s not just feeling like you’re failing; it’s believing that you are a failure.
What This Does to Moms
The mental toll of feeling like you’re never enough is staggering. Studies show that moms are more likely to experience anxiety and depression than their childless peers. A 2020 study published in BMC Public Health found that maternal guilt and stress are directly correlated with higher rates of postpartum depression.
But it’s not just mental health that suffers. Physical exhaustion, strained relationships, and a diminished sense of self-worth all come into play. And here’s the kicker: when moms feel like they’re not enough, it impacts our kids, too. Children are like emotional sponges, and they pick up on our stress and self-doubt.
Solutions: How to Reclaim Your Enough-ness
1. Redefine “Enough”
Your “enough” doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. Maybe it’s surviving the day with everyone alive and somewhat fed. Maybe it’s carving out five minutes to sip your coffee while it’s still warm. Motherhood isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up—messy, tired, and real.
2. Limit the Comparison Game
Unfollow those accounts that make you feel inadequate. Instead, surround yourself with moms who keep it real. Follow accounts that normalize the chaos, like the one where the mom admits she’s eating her kid’s Halloween candy in the pantry.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Talk to yourself like you’d talk to your best friend. If she came to you saying, “I feel like I’m failing,” would you say, “Yeah, you probably are”? Of course not. You’d tell her she’s amazing, even on her worst days. Extend yourself that same grace.
4. Build Your Village
Even if your “village” is a group text with three other moms, lean on your support system. Share your struggles, vent about your day, and cheer each other on. Motherhood isn’t meant to be done in isolation.
5. Ditch the Guilt
Easier said than done, right? Start by identifying the source of your guilt. Is it coming from societal expectations? Unrealistic standards? Once you know where it’s coming from, you can challenge it. Did your kids have screen time today? Guess what? They’ll survive. And so will you.
6. Celebrate Small Wins
Made it through the day without yelling? High-five yourself. Packed school lunches the night before instead of scrambling in the morning? You’re a rockstar. These moments matter.
7. Seek Professional Help If Needed
Therapy isn’t just for “serious problems.” Sometimes, having a professional validate your feelings and help you navigate them is exactly what you need.
A Note to My Fellow Moms
If you’ve ever felt like you’re not enough, let me remind you: you’re doing better than you think. Your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need you — messy, imperfect, loving, and present. And you’re more than enough for that job.
So let’s drop the mom guilt, the shame, and the never-ending comparisons. Instead, let’s celebrate the beautifully imperfect journey of motherhood. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: being enough isn’t about what you do; it’s about who you are. And you, my friend, are enough.
Fiona Bailey is a mom of three, a certified Child Development expert, and a pro at juggling sippy cups and sticky fingers. After her first child, Casey traded the office for the living room, embracing the stay-at-home mom life with open arms (and lots of baby wipes). With a degree in Child Development, she combines her academic knowledge with hands-on experience, delivering relatable, insightful, and often hilarious content for parents who are just trying to keep it together — one snack break at a time.
